Perspective Is Everything

On a regular basis, I wear so many different hats:

• woman
• wife
• stay-at-home mom
• sister
• daughter
• aunt
• friend
• writer
• poet
• learning coach
• animal lover
• photographer
• artist
• believer
• thinker
• dreamer
• helpless romantic
• music lover
• cook
• maid
• confidante
• nerd
• protector
• book fanatic
• chocoholic
• couch potato
• nature lover
• gardener
• bleeding heart
• puzzle addict
• fibro warrior

The list really goes on and on. But the titles I hate most are perfectionist and overachiever. The previous list is a long one, and my plate is usually overflowing with a towering heap of these roles and interests. However, no matter how much I accomplish, the perfectionist/overachiever side of me points out everything I did wrong and didn’t finish. It is relentless!

I am currently sick--again--so my house is messy and needs a good cleaning. My chronic illness, fibromyalgia, puts a damper on my career ambitions, making it impossible to work a traditional job outside my home right now. Oh, and I can’t forget that I don’t get to do many fun things with my kids anymore. Lists of my flaws, shortcomings, disappointments, and failures could fill my entire home many times over.

Nevertheless, none of that matters. What matters is how hard I try every day to be the best person I can be. My house may be messy right now, but even with a head cold that makes me dizzy, I’ve managed to put dents in the mess throughout my home. Fibromyalgia may be trying to ruin my career, but it helped give me the courage to strike out and reach for my writing dreams. Plus, it gives me a new way to help and reach people. Oh, and as for my time with the kiddos, they still know I love them. We have many wonderful memories to cherish, and we are still making more each day.

Life may get easier. It may not. But either way, if I focus on what I CAN do and do my best always, I know I’ll be able to look back one day without any regrets. I can only accomplish what is within my current limitations, and I need to forgive myself when I can’t do it all. There is always tomorrow for anything that is left over on my daily to-do list.

If you are struggling with this issues, as well, I encourage you to focus on your abilities only. Try to let everything else roll away. No matter what anyone else says, you are NOT lazy and you DO accomplish enough. A chronic illness is a full-time job, and everything else must fit around that (just as any other person with long work hours). Please, remember that your health should always come first!

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

I Act Like a Moron Sometimes

I am always one who tries to focus on the positive and what is healthy.  But, sometimes, we all occasionally need to hear the bitter truth, and I am no exception  That is why I am going to admit today I sometimes act like a total moron.  Yep, I said it.  I own up to the sad truth, so I can learn from it and move on.

Most of the time, I am an intelligent and sensible woman.  I have book smarts, common sense, and plenty of life experience for someone my age.  But to be completely honest, I do dumb things sometimes...things that leave me shaking my head in total disbelief.

My latest walk with stupidity is health related.  I have had fibromyalgia for years, and it has been severe for the past 5 years.  Since traditional medicine didn't work out, I've experimented with many lifestyle changes.  One of the things I've found which helps improve my symptoms and my quality of life is supplements.  I take vitamins B, C, D, and E daily.  Each morning, I also take magnesium and calcium supplements and probiotics for my IBS symptoms and urinary health.  That equals 9 pills to take every single morning.  Yes, it is a hassle to choke all those pills down daily.  I'd much rather be doing a thousand other things

.

However, without them, I'm back to being stuck in bed and miserable.  So, why do I keep forgetting them?  Why do I not make my supplements a priority?  I went a week without taking them--again--and I feel awful--again!  I knew this would happen.  Yet, I kept putting my supplements off again and again.  Does this make any sense to you? It doesn't to me, so I can only conclude that I can be a total moron at times!

So, once again, I'm making a pact with myself to make time every morning to take my supplements, no matter how disgusting they are or how busy life gets.  My body isn't going to take care of itself.  No, it is MY responsibility.  My body is precious and irreplaceable, so I promise to take care of myself today and always.  All of the hard work and discomfort will be with it in the end because letting my health go will only lead to worse and much, much more unpleasant consequences.  I'll thank myself later!

Have you ever forgotten your supplements or medications, as well?  If so, do you have any special  techniques that help you remember?

I Ran Today!

Ok, break out the banners and balloons. Unleash the confetti and white doves. And cue the band for some awesome celebratory tunes...and don’t forget to clap your hands off, people. I ran today! No, it wasn’t a dream. I was wide awake, running on the two excruciatingly sensitive balls of nerves that fibromyalgia has made out of my once fit and active legs!

I am tempted to overdose this post with excessive exclamation points because on my darkest days, I assumed that my running days were over. Since some days I can’t even walk, a part of me convinced myself that I would never run again...except for in my dreams. But after 25 days of walking at least a half of a mile every weekday, I finally ran again!

It WAS for only about 4 minutes. I DID have to stop twice for a few seconds. It WAS on a slightly downhill part of my walk and gravity helped. And I DID feel like I was going to vomit and faint at the same time. However, I didn’t vomit OR faint, and I successfully hobbled back home beaming!

I doubt I’ll be winning any races anytime soon since my 11-pound dog and my 7-year-old son were beating me down the hill. But I ran! Yes, I ran for the first time in about 5 years!!! Can you feel my excitement and accomplishment I’m feeling here yet?

When chronic illness takes over our lives--especially when chronic pain is involved--it’s so hard trying to find a balance that works. Our minds want to live like we used to and mourn the days gone by. The illness strives to make us crash and burn, trying to convince us life is over. Consequently, our bodies are stuck in a kind of tug-o-war, violently turn back and forth between our mind and our chronic illness. If we focus too much on life before our illness, we will only run ourselves into the ground trying to be something that we aren’t anymore. On the other hand, if we focus too much on our health problems, we will be left wondering why life is still worth living.

Ultimately, it comes down to determination, moderation, and baby steps. Instead of focusing on what we used to do or what we no longer can do, we need to focus on what we CAN do right this very moment and make little goals to challenge us a bit further at a slow and steady pace. When I decided that I was going to add a little walking each weekday morning into my schedule I never imagined that I would be able to run today. Instead, my goal was to make it around the block in my neighborhood each weekday. I wasn’t concerned with how fast I was going or how many breaks it took me to make it around the block. I simply wanted to make it around the block Monday through Friday to increase my physical activity and to build up the strength and stamina in my legs. And I did that...and so much more!

If you are out there struggling in your life (like I and so many chronic illness sufferers are every day), please don’t give up. Our roads are not the same, but I understand so well that the journey with chronic illness is a hard one. Still, we canNOT allow our health problems to win! Even if our daily successes are tiny (i.e., getting out of bed, making dinner, washing laundry), they are still victories in our war against chronic illness and they should be celebrated! I know it’s so easy to only see our failures and inabilities. I do it so often with myself. But join me in taking a moment each day to reflect on the victories and to focus on the blessings in our lives. Then we can go to bed each night knowing that we fought the good fight, gave it our all, and are determined to wake up and do it all over again...no matter what. Stay strong and determined, my friends! I am always praying for you.

Weight Loss: Sometimes a Gain Is a Gain

This morning I entered my new weight on my MyFitnessPal profile.  I have been putting it off this week because when I stepped on the scale Tuesday, not only did I gain back the 2 lbs. I have lost so far, but I also gained 4 more lbs. since my renewed fitness starting point.  This was a blow to me because for almost 2 weeks now, I have been walking a half of a mile every weekday with my son and our dog, Honey Bear.

I have cut my time from an hour to as little as 20 minutes for this distance.  Walking doesn't hurt me nearly as much as it did at the beginning (at least, usually).  I can swear I see a difference in my thighs and hips already.  And my jeans are definitely looser in the front.  So, to see the number go up so far in so little time was shocking to say the least!

However, I have decided that sometimes a gain IS a gain with weight loss.  (1) I have proven to myself that when I put my mind to something, fibromyalgia can't stop me.  There were some hard days...and I know there are going to be plenty more.  Sometimes, I creep back a lot closer to needing an entire hour to walk a half of a mile.  Sometimes, I'm tempted to give up.  But I've decided that weight loss is an important step towards reclaiming my life.  As long as I remember this, fibro may slow me down, but I CAN do this!

(2) My mobility has improved already since I started walking regularly again.  Yes, I still get terrible leg pain and muscle spasms.  No, I won't be running or skipping any time soon.  Still, my balance and coordination are a little better, and I seem to be having less issues with my lower body.  It would appear my legs and feet don't get painful and achy as quickly now.

(3) I may have gained 6 lbs.in almost 2 weeks, but I'm definitely seeing some change in my thighs and hips.  I won't even pretend to understand what is going on with my body right now, but if I must gain a few pounds to start seeing some slimming, I'm all for it!  Who am I to argue with progress, even if it is disguised as a defeat?

I Live in Constant Fear of Losing My Mind

I’m going to confess something to you today. I live in constant fear of losing my mind. No, I don’t question my sanity. Well, at least the vast majority of the time. I’m not concerned that I’ll snap and go postal one of these days. Oh, and I’m in no danger of losing touch with reality and trying to live a fantasy. I’m much too down to earth for that.

No, there is a constant fear hiding in the back of my mind that fibromyalgia is going to take over completely and my memory will be shot. Even now, my short-term memory is holding on by a thread. I forget to lock doors at night. I forget whether or not I already took my pills. I forget appointments. I forget phone numbers. I forget that I already told people the latest news. I forget recipes that I’ve known by heart for years. I forget usernames and passwords. I forget where I put things. I even forget momentarily where I am.

The list goes on and on in life with fibro fog. Sometimes, my memory lapses only last seconds. Sometimes memories come flooding back with a certain thought, sound, or action. Sometimes, though, the info that I’m searching for is lost forever. It can be an overwhelming and scary life to lead whenever your second biggest personal fear is losing your mind!

My latest mishap that occurred because of a memory lapse happened this morning. My fiance woke me up at 4:30 to tell me that all our cats were outside because they escaped through an opened window. Of course, as soon as he mentioned that open window, I remembered immediately that I was to blame. I had only planned on keeping the two screenless windows in the house open for a short time while I was in the room. It was hot in the house and I was overheated and miserable. A couple cracked windows was enough to keep me from melting into a puddle a goo.

I honestly had every intention of closing those windows. I love my furbabies, and I worry all the time about them getting out and eventually getting hurt. Outside is a scary place for a frightened cat that can’t find a way back in the house or that has no clue how to survive. Dangers lurk everywhere. I would never intentionally put my kitties at risk.

That is why my stomach is sick still with the thought that I put them in danger. No, it wasn’t intentional, but accidents do happen and then I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I’m thanking God still that all my cats are back in the house safe and dry. Yet, I’m also kicking myself and worrying that something like this will happen again.

We are planning to get new screens for these two windows as soon as possible, but what are the chances that I do something else that inadvertently causes harm? The chances are pretty good with my memory’s track record. And that thought scares me!

I use Google calendar to send me reminders to my cell concerning every important thing I need to remember. That way if I forget I will still get it all finished. Well, it looks like I’ll be adding a lot more daily reminders, including checking all windows and doors. It is time consuming, but almost anything is worth it to win this war for my mind!

If Blogs Were Houseplants...

If blogs were houseplants, I would be in serious trouble!  They would surely be dead by now.  I have been neglecting my blogs lately.  They are shriveling and drying up.  They are crying out desperately for some love and attention.  And I really don’t blame them…

When I started all three of my blogs I didn’t really have a plan.  It was more of an impulse.  I had some ideas.  I live to write.  I wanted some place where I could write whatever inspired me.  And it wouldn’t hurt for me to have some extra writing practice either.  So, I jumped in headfirst, eager to test the waters.

At first, my enthusiasm carried me along.  Sometimes I would go a few days without posting, but I eagerly came running back  I never run out of ideas to write about, so I was convinced that at least three posts per blog per week would be a breeze.

Boy, was I wrong!  I never planned on my son having difficulties in school and needing much more of my attention for the 2012-2013 school year.  I had underestimated how greatly my fibromyalgia affects my concentration and my ability to sit at a desk.  I hadn’t planned on my mom getting married or the week-long vacation that followed.  Oh, and I never realized how insane it can be to plan your own wedding in only three months.

I know, excuses, excuses.  Blogs are a commitment and when we start them we make a promise our readers to keep them up and running.  Still, knowing now where I went wrong from the beginning, I can now make a new beginning and start over fresh.  From now on, I’m going to put regular posts into my schedule, and even if it is only once a week per blog until I get my true blogging legs, at least I can revel in the consistency.

Thank you for understanding and supporting my journey into blogging.  I hope you continue to check back in the coming weeks to see what new posts I have in store.  You never know what new treasures you might find amongst all this blogging dust!

Sometimes I Run...Sometimes I Crawl

Hiking with my children

The normal progress of life is you learn to crawl as an infant. Then, you gradually learn to walk as a toddler. Finally, as you continue to grow, you gain the balance, strength, and agility to run. This progress leaves you with the mobility needed for the prime of your life. However, life doesn’t always like to follow the rules and it is filled with exceptions.

I am an exception. I’m 29 years old, but sometimes I still have to crawl: literally and metaphorically. As some of you may know from reading my past posts, I now realize I probably have had fibromyalgia since I was a young child. I never felt quite ‘normal’ and wasn’t as energetic or resilient as most kids. I was frequently sick and had many aches and pains. But through it all, I still managed to live an active and full life…until four years ago.

Four years ago, fibromyalgia crept in and became a permanent resident in my life. No longer was it content to come and go. It wanted to hijack my life and try to steal it away from me. For about a year, I allowed it to do just that. I was so exhausted, overwhelmed, and filled with pain that I stayed in bed much of each day. Of course, I still wanted to get better and I tried everything I could think of to treat my symptoms and figure out what was wrong. However, I virtually gave up on everything else in my life. Essentially, I had two things left: motherhood and my mystery illness. All else was stolen away from me.

Now that I’ve grown wiser and more accustomed to life with a chronic illness, I know now I cannot allow fibromyalgia to leave me in such a sad and unbalanced state. I must be a mother, and I must cope with my condition. But I also must be a daughter, a sister, a friend, and (soon) a wife. I must do what I love, set goals, find purpose, and enjoy the simple things in this world. I must hope, dream, believe, aspire, and grow. Sometimes I may run towards my future. Other times, I may crawl at such a slow pace that some may think I’m not moving at all.

Regardless of my speed, I must always be actively living this life. Life is far too short and fleeting to sit around waiting for things to change or to feel sorry for ourselves. Instead, we should be embracing the present and living right now the life we so desire…before the chance passes away!

P...Perfectionist Purgatory: Park Your Nitpicking at the Door!

I am a horrible, horrible perfectionist. I love to nitpick and criticize even the smallest of flaws. But most people don’t even realize this because to others, I try my hardest to be caring, forgiving, and lenient with those around me. When it comes to myself, though, I am brutal. I get so angry and frustrated with myself when I make a mistake or can’t meet my standards, which at times, are insanely too high to reach. The worst part is since I now have a chronic illness, I must deal with even more limitations.

To preserve my sanity, I have been slowly retraining my thought processes and expectations. I still have quite a long way to go before I can willingly cut myself as much slack as do with others. Nevertheless, I am happy to see I am not as critical as they used to be. Essentially, it was either do away with the perfectionist or sink myself deeper and deeper into the abyss of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a brutal condition that can create a dangerous cycle that spirals your health more and more out of control. The more you fight it and try to act normally, the more it drains your energy and your life. Only with moderation, understanding, and self-forgiveness can we break the cycle and start reclaiming our lives.

If you were recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia or another chronic illness, I encourage you to leave your inner perfectionist at the door. A chronic medical condition has no room for mentally and emotionally picking yourself apart. I know that old habits die hard, and it isn’t very easy to overcome the negativity. But when you are fighting a battle within yourself you must focus your strength and energy solely on lessening your condition’s hold on your life. With part of your mind constantly nitpicking, criticizing, and insisting that you are worthless, you’ll be fighting two battles: one with your chronic illness and the other with yourself. How far to you really think you will get if you fight against two enemies?

M...Mistakes and Setbacks

When we must deal with chronic illness we seem to have more than our share of mistakes and setbacks. We have a myriad of obstacles that we must overcome in addition to the normal challenges that a healthy person must face. We may have to start each day never truly refreshed, pushing through our daily lives with much of our energy already depleted. Also, we often must fight through pain that is always present to some degree. Many of us additionally have a handful of other symptoms which we must juggle each and every day. This makes failure and problems quite common in our lives.

When I set goals for myself I often underestimate the effect my fibromyalgia can have on my life. This month I decided to join the A to Z Blogging Challenge with all three of my blogs. Since I am unable to work outside my home, I have been trying to expand my freelance writing drastically. I hope someday to make a comfortable income from my writing. My fibromyalgia, though, loves to get in my way. It can prove to be difficult to write through the pain, fatigue, and brain fog. However, I was determined to stretch my writing abilities to the limit, so I can learn to be more efficient as a writer. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t expecting my fibromyalgia pain to settle in my hands. I also didn’t plan on the stress of my dog getting seriously ill and having to undergo emergency surgery last week. As a result, I got behind on the blogging challenge. Part of me is so angry and frustrated with this setback.

I have decided, though, to use this anger and frustration to my advantage. Instead of giving up and telling myself that finishing this challenge is impossible, I found a way around my pain. Since my hand pain is making typing unbearable, I have set up a speech recognition program on my computer. It isn’t perfect. It doesn’t always understand my words. I have to make corrections at times. And it even has stopped working twice, requiring me to restart my computer. Nevertheless, I’m pleased to say that I am now caught up with the blogging challenge on my writing blog, and I am determined to get the rest of my posts up to date on this blog and my parenting blog.

Mistakes and setbacks are a fact of life, especially for us who suffer from chronic illness. But that doesn’t mean we should roll over and give up on our dreams and lives. Sometimes we have to be super creative and determined to make it through the challenges. Sometimes a solution is not readily available. Regardless, we cannot allow ourselves to give up because life is not life if we fail to live and grow. I encourage you to not lose hope and not give up on your dreams and goals for life. You’re not alone. We can do this together. We can be strong together. We can stay determined together. We can succeed together!

E...Every Day Is a New Beginning

Once upon a time, I used to get all bent out of shape because of the little mistakes and failures in my life. When my fibromyalgia became a regular presence in my life, though, these little mistakes and failures started getting bigger and more frequent. When you have a chronic illness that torments you with pain, fatigue, and brain fog a lot of the time there is no way you are going to get everything done and not screw up from time to time. That was an extremely hard lesson for me to learn!

I was so used to being a super mom, a multitasking extraordinaire. I almost never forgot anything, my house was spotless when I went to sleep, and I got an extreme amount of things done daily. I always thought that I could slow down and enjoy life better when I pushed through the hardest part of my life (college during single motherhood). Well, whether I like it or not, my fibromyalgia is making me slow down and enjoy life a little.

I am much more forgiving of myself now. My inner perfectionist still lurks around, but I’ve learned to see every day as a new beginning. If I have a bad flare-up day and can hardly get anything done, I set aside all my frustration, self-anger, stress, and disappointment before I go to bed every night. Then I start fresh the next day and try to make the most of the new chance I have been given.

If you are suffering from a chronic illness like me, which limits your life, I encourage you to forgive yourself of your shortcomings and failures--and forgive yourself again each new day. Your mistakes and disappointments are often not even your fault. You fight so hard every second to make the most of life, but sometimes you just are not physically, mentally, or emotionally able to pull through. But that doesn’t mean you can’t come back tomorrow, next week, or next month and try again. Whether or not you succeed, know that you are amazing and strong just for trying, and coming back to face a defeat again is also a battle won!

D...Doubts, Disappointments, and Deflated Dreams

Chronic illness is a difficult thing to swallow. It can be challenging to treat, usually can’t be cured, and often haunts us until the day we die. Although I try every day to be as positive as possible, I, too, am not immune to the doubts, disappointments, and deflated dreams that chronic illness brings. Just like many of you, I have my low moments, times when I focus a little too much on the negative side of things. I cry over dreams that may never come true. I mourn the loss of the life I once knew. I worry about the days ahead and struggle with doubts that I will ever live a productive life.

Right this very moment I am struggling with my fibromyalgia and the effects it has on my dreams for my writing career. My heart, soul, and mind are overflowing with ideas, inspiration, and determination to reach my goals. Still, my body is weak, and the fibro is winning today. I have so much to write, so much to share, and so much to do. But fibromyalgia has my body so sore and worn that I am typing this with only 3 fingers. The strength and will of my hands left me yesterday because of this enemy within.

In time, I know the blunt of my fibromyalgia will decide to migrate on to another part of my body and most of the strength will return to my hands. It always does. And I will be back to typing fast and easily at my keyboard. In the meantime, I simply need to put the doubts and fears away and to continue pushing through as best I can.

My late father always loved to remind me that defeat doesn’t last very long if we stay strong and never give up. But if we stay down and feel sorry for ourselves for too long, defeat will take root and make it harder and harder for us to throw it off our backs. Some people might call it foolishness or stupidity, but I will keep bouncing right back, no matter how many times my chronic illness knocks me over. Struggling with fibro has gotten me this far. I’m not going to back down now!

My Kids Made Me a Fibro Warrior

My son at the park

Dealing with a chronic illness can be one of the most difficult journeys in life.  It can leave us feeling hopeless, discouraged, defeated, and shattered.  Deciding how to plan for the rest of your life can seem impossible.  Day-to-day life can be so chaotic and unpredictable on its own.  So sometimes, we are left wondering how we can push on indefinitely.

Ultimately, it’s critical to not focus on our illness too directly.  Yes, we need to familiarize ourselves with our condition because knowledge is the best medicine in the fight against our health issues.  However, too much focus will only consume us and rob us of all the positives in our lives.  Instead, we must find the inspiration and motivation to never quit fighting from the blessings in our lives.

One of my biggest sources of positivity and strength when my life seems to be falling in on me is my kids.  When I feel like a failure they remind me that I’m a wonderful mother.  When loneliness and grief over the life I’ve lost threatens to take over they always seem to there with a hug, kiss, or smile when I need it the most.  When I feel like I’m too tired to press on anymore they give me purpose and determination once more.

Seeing the love in their eyes and watching them try to be just like me, I can clearly see that they look up to me and think I’m invincible.  Little do they know that they are the main reason why I am a fibromyalgia warrior.  They are the heart of my daily battles with my own body.  And they keep me bouncing back, rearing and ready to give it a try another day.

I have other people and things that strengthen me as well (i.e., my fiancé, my faith in God, my creativity), but my children were the ones that originally made it clear that I could never, EVER accept defeat.  I was a single mother at the time, so I knew that my children’s wellbeing depended on me and me alone.  No matter how bad I felt I promised myself that I would never let them down or quit being there for them!

Where do you find your motivation and inspiration to continue your daily struggle with chronic illness?

Don't Allow Fear of Failure Steal Your Life

There's light at the end of the darkness...

Why are we so afraid of failing? Why do we allow our fears to hold us back and limit our potential? When will we finally realize that only true failure happens when we never even try?

At times, I am fearless. I’m proud to be a unique individual, and I thrive in my distinctiveness. I take pleasure in being me, no matter how silly, goofy, or weird I may get at times. Life wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if I tried to be more ‘normal’!

Yet, for some odd reason, I’m a lot less bold when it comes to my talents and dreams. Fibromyalgia has made me even more so. The daily headaches and frequent fibro fog have left my mind in turmoil. Once upon a time, I was able to do complex math problems in my head. Now, I forget things left and right.

The pain and fatigue (not to mention the multitude of other symptoms affecting my body) have robbed me of a lot of my strength, stamina, and endurance. Years ago, I could hike over 14 miles and feel tired but exhilarated. These days, though, I have moments when I struggle to do the simplest tasks and just the idea of leaving home can be tiring.

When you are reduced to something smaller than you used to be it’s so easy to feel discouraged and to wonder if you are still useful. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t struggle with this, too. In fact, I fight it on a daily basis.

There’s always that annoying voice that loves to spout negative thoughts and fear. If you don’t learn to confront it regularly, that obnoxious, whiny little voice eventually won’t be so little anymore and will slowly take over the rest of your thoughts. I know because when my fibro flare first hit, I was bedridden for days at a time and was stuck listening to the Gloomy Gus lurking in my head.

Oh, he’s still in there, trying to needle his way into my every thought. Over time, though, I’ve learned to drown him out a lot.  And when he decides to throw a little temper tantrum to make his ideas known I’m not above looking myself in the eye in the mirror and telling him out loud what a liar he is. Yes, folks, I’m a strong advocate of talking to yourself.  It can be very good for your health.  Sometimes the negative thoughts and feelings get so loud that only a verbal confrontation will do!

If you are struggling with questions about your self-worth or wondering if you are a complete failure, please know that you are not alone. Those of us dealing with chronic illness have been here on quite a few occasions. It's important to remember that no matter how long we’ve been in this sad place or how many times we return here, we are NOT failures! God loves each and every one of us and has a special purpose in mind for our lives. We must have faith that our struggle is not in vain and that God is constantly working behind the scenes.

The truth is we may never know why God is allowing chronic illness into our lives or what good he will bring out of our pain. But we must put our fears of failure and worthlessness aside and live the best we can every day. We cannot live our lives hiding. That won’t get us anywhere. We will still be stuck in the hole that our chronic illness has dug for us, and it will eventually become our graves…if we allow it.

Please, NEVER allow it! Rather, join me today and press on bravely into the unknown. We may inch along slower than a snail’s pace, but at least we will always know that we stood up to our health problems and refused to surrender or bow down. We are the masters of our bodies—of our life’s journey-- and chronic illness never will win!