Perspective Is Everything

On a regular basis, I wear so many different hats:

• woman
• wife
• stay-at-home mom
• sister
• daughter
• aunt
• friend
• writer
• poet
• learning coach
• animal lover
• photographer
• artist
• believer
• thinker
• dreamer
• helpless romantic
• music lover
• cook
• maid
• confidante
• nerd
• protector
• book fanatic
• chocoholic
• couch potato
• nature lover
• gardener
• bleeding heart
• puzzle addict
• fibro warrior

The list really goes on and on. But the titles I hate most are perfectionist and overachiever. The previous list is a long one, and my plate is usually overflowing with a towering heap of these roles and interests. However, no matter how much I accomplish, the perfectionist/overachiever side of me points out everything I did wrong and didn’t finish. It is relentless!

I am currently sick--again--so my house is messy and needs a good cleaning. My chronic illness, fibromyalgia, puts a damper on my career ambitions, making it impossible to work a traditional job outside my home right now. Oh, and I can’t forget that I don’t get to do many fun things with my kids anymore. Lists of my flaws, shortcomings, disappointments, and failures could fill my entire home many times over.

Nevertheless, none of that matters. What matters is how hard I try every day to be the best person I can be. My house may be messy right now, but even with a head cold that makes me dizzy, I’ve managed to put dents in the mess throughout my home. Fibromyalgia may be trying to ruin my career, but it helped give me the courage to strike out and reach for my writing dreams. Plus, it gives me a new way to help and reach people. Oh, and as for my time with the kiddos, they still know I love them. We have many wonderful memories to cherish, and we are still making more each day.

Life may get easier. It may not. But either way, if I focus on what I CAN do and do my best always, I know I’ll be able to look back one day without any regrets. I can only accomplish what is within my current limitations, and I need to forgive myself when I can’t do it all. There is always tomorrow for anything that is left over on my daily to-do list.

If you are struggling with this issues, as well, I encourage you to focus on your abilities only. Try to let everything else roll away. No matter what anyone else says, you are NOT lazy and you DO accomplish enough. A chronic illness is a full-time job, and everything else must fit around that (just as any other person with long work hours). Please, remember that your health should always come first!

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

Wordless Wednesday: For You, My Fibro Warriors!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Sudoku Puzzles: A Distraction and a Reminder for This Fibro Sufferer

Photo Credit: Public Domain

Since I can remember, I’ve always been a puzzle lover. Jigsaw puzzles, brain teasers, word searches, and crossword puzzles have gotten me through many sick and rainy days. They’ve also helped me to relax and combat insomnia on more occasions than I could count. And now, as an adult, I’ve grown to love and appreciate the unique challenge and fun of Sudoku puzzles. After completing thousands of Sudoku puzzles in last 10 years, they have easily become my favorite type of puzzle.

However, I’ve come to realize that Sudoku puzzles are a wonderful way to gauge just how much my fibromyalgia is actually affecting me, particularly the brain fog part. On a normal day for me in life with fibromyalgia, I can complete a medium-level Sudoku puzzle with a little careful thought. On my better days, the numbers of these medium-level puzzles come easier. On a great day or at least a moment of clarity, I actually have a good chance to finish a hard-level Sudoku puzzle or two. But on my difficult days, I’m lucky if I can make heads or tails of a beginner's Sudoku puzzle.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been sick with a nasty cold, and I slept about 12 hours the night before into yesterday morning. By the time bedtime rolled around, I was tired but my body wasn’t ready to sleep. So, I logged onto Facebook and decided to play a little Sudoku. I was so in the zone and so clear of mind (even with a head cold and it being after 1 am!) that I actually finished a difficult Sudoku puzzle and scored the highest points in my entire history of playing that Facebook app.

But not even 12 hours later, I tried to play Sudoku again on Facebook, and now I can’t even finish an easy Sudoku puzzle. I slept for nearly 8 hours. I awoke feeling fairly refreshed (well, at least for a fibro sufferer). But the clarity is gone again. I’m back to struggling to think through the brain fog that normally lurks in my head. Gone is the feeling that it all makes perfect sense. Gone is the sensation that I’m finally myself again. Gone is the almost effortless thought process that so many people take for granted every day.

If you are a fibromyalgia warrior like me suffering daily from brain fog, know that you aren’t alone. If you are a friend or a loved one of someone with fibromyalgia, this is especially for you. The fibromyalgia sufferers in your life are not faking it or being negligent or lazy. Their memory and cognitive problems are real and overwhelming. During one of their bad days, they are going to need your support more than ever. Just imagine how you would feel if you temporarily forgot names or phones numbers you’ve known for years. Imagine how difficult it would be for you to suddenly be unable to properly express yourself to others because you can’t find the right words at the moment. Imagine how frightening it would be if you forgot where you were or how to get back home for a while.

The worst of these scenarios are usually short lived and only happen occasionally, but just take a moment to imagine how unnerving and awful such an episode would be. And try to fathom how difficult and frightening it is to know it will probably happen again, but you have no idea when or how it will affect you next time. You can’t prepare. You can’t prevent it. The possibility is always lurking around every corner. That, my friends, is what it is like living with fibro fog. Please keep that in mind the next time the fibro warrior in your life forgets something important or does something that seems completely ridiculous. Living with fibromyalgia is a lot harder than most healthy people assume.

10 Things You Should NOT Say to Someone With a Chronic Illness

Normally, I like to talk directly to you, my fellow fibro and chronic illness warriors. YOU are the only people who matter to me. I am here to share in your struggle. I am here to try to help. And I am here to listen and understand. That is the main purpose for writing about my struggle with fibromyalgia.

Today, however, I want to make a little detour from that main purpose and address all those around us: friends, family, co-workers, enemies, critics, and everyone in between. Today, I felt the need to address the top 10 things you should NEVER say to someone suffering from a chronic illness.

10.) “Oh, but this pill will help...” Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that we chronic illness sufferers DO want to get better. We DO appreciate your advice. We DO love that you are concerned and are trying to help. But please, take a moment and listen. Some of us (particularly those with fibromyalgia) have tried everything under the sun, and we are still struggling. Many chronic illnesses are complex and tend to vary person to person. There is often no cure and no one-size-fits-all treatment plan. Please believe us when we say that a little pill is NOT the answer.

9.) “But you finished all that stuff yesterday...” This is definitely one of my pet peeves! Just because we were able to be productive yesterday, it doesn’t mean that we can’t have a bad day today. Oh, and no, we aren’t just making excuses so we can avoid you and slack on our responsibilities. Actually, our symptoms come and go. Some days are better and some days are rotten. At times, we can catch a glimpse of the old life we used to have. And other times, we are reminded just how fragile and limited our medical conditions can make us. It’s just how life with a chronic illness plays out.

8.) “You just need to get out more...” Why is it as soon as we get discouraged or have a bad day that people assume that we are simply depressed or in a rut? Our symptoms are real. They are NOT in our heads. Having a flare day is NOT a sign of weakness or of a poor outlook on life. And no, our problems cannot be solved simply by getting a social life. Would you try to treat the flu or the chickenpox with a girls’ night out? I don’t think so!

7.) “Oh, I felt like that once; it wasn’t so bad...” Wait? You didn’t just go there! Attempts at sympathy and understanding are very much welcomed. But since you haven’t walked a mile in our shoes, check your judgement at the door, please. There is NO way you are going to win any bonus points by trying to trivialize our symptoms. We know what we feel. It is very real and very present for us. For everyone’s sake, please keep your comparisons to yourself...or even better, don’t make them at all!

6.) “But I thought you’ve seen a bunch of doctors...” Yes, we have visited more doctors than we care to remember. We have been poked, prodded, and violated in ways that would make you cringe. We have spent thousands--even millions--of dollars and countless hours trying to get to the bottom of our medical conditions. And we will continue throwing endless time, energy, and cash away in our pursuit for health. Nevertheless, we aren’t cured and some of us aren’t really even better than when we started out. Doctors aren’t magicians or miracle workers. There are some things even they can’t fix.

5.) “You’re still sick? I’ll keep praying...” Now don’t get me wrong. Prayer is a wonderful thing, and we always appreciate it. God is up there listening and He has been known to create miracles from time to time. However, man can’t live on prayer alone. Just like you we have other needs. With your next prayer, could you throw in a prepared meal on a flare day? Or maybe an offer to pitch in around the house? Or perhaps a little companionship during the periods we are stuck at home. Thank you for petitioning the Lord for what He might do to help, but don’t forget the little things you could do to help, as well. It’s the little things that mean the most!

4.) “Maybe if you just tried a little harder...” Oh, this one irks me to no end! We chronic illness sufferers fight every day for so many things people normally take for granted. We fight to keep our food down. We fight to walk. We fight to take care of ourselves. We fight to do the simplest of tasks. Having a chronic illness is downright hard work, but we keep at it day after day. We are relentless, merciless overachievers, and it bothers us immensely when we can’t measure up. So, what makes you think we could push ourselves anymore than we already do? It simply isn’t humanly possible.

3.) “Perhaps you only need a little more faith...” God IS a miracle worker. He DOES heal the faithful and CAN move mountains for those who truly believe. But isn’t it a little arrogant to believe that you know what God is or isn’t doing in someone else’s life or what He is thinking? The truth is the Lord works in mysterious ways. He often does the exact opposite of what mankind believes should happen. And by the way, I think I remember hearing something about only needing faith the size of a mustard seed.

2.) “But you don’t look sick to me...” This statement here is a verbal slap in the face! Please, don’t ever say this to anyone with medical problems. Since when is there a visual requirement for being sick? There are a lot of illnesses and conditions out there that are quiet and devious. They silently wreck people’s lives with little to no external evidence. You wouldn’t tell someone that they aren’t suffering from heartburn or a headache, so please don’t take it upon yourself to judge whether or not we are suffering from a chronic illness.

1.) “But don’t you want to do more with your life...?” No, chronic illness is NOT a poor career move. It is NOT a poor lifestyle choice. We didn’t wake up one day and say, “Oh, I think I’ll develop a life-altering condition today.” We still have our hopes and dreams. We still have our desire for and vision of a better, more prosperous tomorrow. We struggle with our worth, our usefulness, and our purpose. Exactly like you, we want--we NEED--to feel like we are living a productive and purposeful life. If it were up to us, we’d kick chronic illness to the curb in a New York second and move on to greener pastures. But that’s the thing. It is NOT up to us. We are stuck in an unfair situation, and we are forced to make the best of it. Yes, that is the life we have been given, and we choose every day to live it as best as we can. How could you expect anything more?

Writing Poetry Helps My Fibromyaliga

Dealing with fibromyalgia on a daily basis is messy business! It can be maddening and infuriating. Your friends and loved ones often doubt you and hardly understand what you are going through. Sometimes, you even doubt yourself or have a difficult time understanding this chaotic condition (even though you deal with it firsthand all the time).

It can be lonely and full of grief. Fibromyalgia can leave you mourning friendships, intimate relationships, and careers, which were once the center of your life. Your inability to be as mobile, energetic, and available robs you of people and things you love. Before you know it, you wake up and find your life is now a shadow of the full and robust existence it used to be.

And it can be overwhelming and stressful. During a fibro flare, even the smallest of problems and obstacles can seem insurmountable. Because your symptoms require so much extra time and fibromyalgia leaves you forever exhausted, you are always feeling pressed for time--as though you are running weeks, months, or even years behind. Even the smallest of task can be impossible on bad days.

Fibromyalgia can create so many negative and strong emotions, so it is imperative to find a way to purge yourself of all this emotional turmoil on a regular basis. One of my favorite outlets for my fibro’s emotional baggage is writing poetry. Composing all the words and lines gives me a constructive way to purge myself of the negativity that loves to haunt me. In my poems, I may start out dark and dismal, but by the end, I find hope and strength again. I feels amazing to work that all out on paper!

I also love writing poetry about my fibromyalgia because my finished poems serve as permanent reminders of how I’ve wrestled with my chronic illness and still always manage to end up on top. By writing down the little insights and encouragement I find while composing my poems, I can ensure I will have more positive insights to fall back on during future setbacks and bad days. Ultimately, writing poetry is a wonderful way to cope with fibromyalgia now AND in the future.

What helps you to cope with your chronic illness?

Check out my latest fibromyalgia-inspired poem here.

May 12 Is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

Fibromyalgia has vastly affected my life for over four years now. However, it was not until last year that I realized that there is a National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. I accidently stumbled upon it on Facebook because one of my friends with fibro shared a photo about it. Before I knew that such a day existed, I didn’t consider how important awareness days are to illnesses, especially chronic ones. But now I see that with so much misinformation and lack of understanding out there, every person with fibromyalgia should remember and share this date!

The more we get accurate info out there and the more we talk about our chronic illness, the more likely that those around us will start to understand and support us. It seems like everywhere we go people are talking about cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. But what about fibromyalgia? No, fibromyalgia isn’t a terminal disease, but it’s still a killer. It’s a killer of dreams, of careers, of friendships, and of relationships. Just because we technically can’t die from this condition, it doesn’t mean we should suffer in silence and not try to find a cure—or at least a treatment that actually works for every fibro sufferer.

Yes, I’m relieved that pain-in-the-neck fibro isn’t a death sentence, but I often feel alone and rejected. So many people think our symptoms are in our heads or can’t possibly be as bad as we make them seem. I am a homebody—not by choice but because fibro is robbing my quality of life—so I often feel like I’m kept out of sight and out of mind of the public’s eye. I don’t want to be famous or get pity for my medical condition. Rather, I seek understanding and proper medical treatment. There are still so many doctors out there that don’t believe fibromyalgia is real. And there are far too many fibro warriors that suffer alone because their loved ones fail to see how debilitating this chronic condition can be at times.

Let’s spread the word about fibromyalgia this National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, on each future awareness day, and all the days in between. The first step to reclaiming our lives is helping ourselves, each other, and those around us to recognize and thoroughly understand this invisible condition. Let’s show the world that yes, we are struggling and yes, we are in pain. And let’s put a face to this invisible syndrome. Let’s show everyone that we are fibro warriors! We fight today and always for ourselves, our fellow warriors, and an end to fibromyalgia.

A to Z April Blogging Challenge Reflections

With chronic illness looming over our heads every day, it is so easy to go into survival mode. All we start caring about is making it through one more day, hour, or even minute. Our main purpose in life becomes trying to find relief for our symptoms and a way to cope. In reality, though, if we allow ourselves to remain in survival mode, we actually cease to live. We forget to laugh, enjoy, and dream. We forget that life has a purpose and that we have an obligation to discover that purpose.

The A to Z April Blogging Challenge has helped me realize that I have been losing faith in my future and in my dreams. Fibromyalgia hijacked my life over 4 years ago, and a part of me is still there. I am still in shock that I am now disabled. I am still left wondering what is left for me since my body no longer can handle even everyday chores at times. And a part of me is too afraid to dream and hope for a better tomorrow again.

I guess I had assumed that if I rested and did this or that that I’d get a handle on my fibromyalgia and I could go back to living again. I had assumed that once my symptoms were more under control, I could go back to finish my education, start my criminal justice career, and pursue my writing dreams. But for whatever reason, my fibromyalgia is still going strong—and unwittingly, I’ve allowed it to convince me that my dreams are no longer valid.

Well, the 2013 A to Z Challenge has given me an addictive taste of freedom. I may be a prisoner in my body at times and fibro fog may interfere with my mind, but I am meant for more than this. I am meant to dream. I am meant to imagine. I am meant to share my thoughts and ideas. I am meant to stay true to myself and to write to my heart’s content.

From now on, I promise myself to not allow my chronic illness to sabotage my dreams and deepest desires. I long to write every day and that’s what I plan to do. Some days I might only manage a few minutes, but I won’t allow my fibromyalgia to steal another part of my life away. This is my life. No matter how much I hurt or how fatigued I become, I choose to actively live it.

Will you join me today and tell your chronic illness that enough is enough? Will you once again dream with me and embrace again the things that you love? Chronic illness may have changed the way we must live, but let us never again allow it to keep us from living!

W...Why Me?

At times, I swear I have much more than my fair share of problems and bad luck. If I sat down and wrote my life’s story so far, I’m sure people would insist it was fiction or accuse me of lying. The truth is I have been through some of the worst things this world can conjure up, and now I am stuck in a daily battle with my body because of fibromyalgia. It’s hard for me to not struggle with the why-me’s at times. I’d be lying if I said that I always have faith that God has a plan and somehow will work this into something good. Yes, sometimes I wonder whether He has forgotten about me in all my troubles.

Since we are mere humans and thus can’t see the big picture, it is so easy to wonder why God is allowing us to endure so much pain and suffering. If He is such a loving God, why do we have to hurt so much? And what is the purpose of all this pain? Why us? Why does anyone have deal with fibromyalgia and other painful chronic illnesses at all? Where is the sense in all of this?

Oh, how I wish I knew! My faith in God’s good nature and my pain, which sometimes tries to steal my sanity, battle inside my heart and mind. I once had people tell me that I am suffering so much because I must have done a severe wrong against God. In their mind, God doesn’t allow pain unless He is punishing us for something. And they reasoned that if only I would confess and repent, my pain would miraculously go away. 

At first, I half wondered about this myself. I’m no saint. I’ve done plenty of things I’m not proud of, and there are even a few things that bring me shame. But really, could I be guilty of something so bad that God would choose to punish me with such continuous pain for over 4 years now? I don’t think so. I try my best every day to do what is right, and I really think that that is all that matters to God. Besides, I have a feeling He is far quicker to forgive me than I am ever able to forgive myself.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have the faintest idea why I must endure fibromyalgia, and I may never know. But I made the decision to trust in God and to live the life I’ve been given to the fullest. It isn’t the perfect life. In fact, it’s not even a normal life. But I’m thankful for the chance to still live and choose to cherish every moment that I can. Focusing on the why-me’s and what-ifs is really pointless. It only rob me of more happiness and more of my life. Fibro has limited me enough, so why should I box myself in even further with such negativity? Why should I add to the damage it has already caused?

V...Verbal Venting

Since chronic illness involves so much negativity and feelings of frustration, anger, and grief, it is very important that we find a constructive way to vent. If we go through life pretending that everything is fine or that each day isn’t a battle, we’re setting ourselves up for more problems or even a meltdown. Trying to contain all the negativity and emotional baggage is unhealthy. And eventually you’ll explode because one way or another, your body knows it needs to purge itself to survive.

Unfortunately, though, inappropriate venting endangers our relationships and may actually spawn more negativity. If all we’re talking about is how bad we feel, how much we resent our illness, and how difficult life has become, no one will eventually want to be around us. Focusing too much on how badly our chronic illness has affected our lives will only leave us bitter, angry, and alone one day.

Because of this, we must find a balance. We must discover healthy and beneficial ways to vent. First, we must remember that it is good to verbally discuss our problems with close friends and family members. We need to remember, though, we shouldn’t use this as our only means of venting. When we find that our chronic illness is the subject of even half of our conversations with loved ones it is very unhealthy and is endangering our relationships.

That is why I have come up with some other useful ways to vent about my fibromyalgia. One wonderful way of purging myself of my chronic illness baggage is my personal journal. I created an online journal simply for jotting down my most negative thoughts, feelings, and fears. When I feel overwhelmed, like my life is spinning out of control and I can’t take it anymore, I sit down and write it all out in my journal. Then, I close the entry down and never revisit it again. This allows me to discard the negativity and push forward with my life.

Another constructive way I decided to deal with my illness was to create this blog. One of my biggest desires is to make a difference and to be there to support others with chronic illnesses. So when I come here I may feel discouraged and hopeless at first. However, after starting a new blog post, I find I can’t stay negative for very long. My desire to uplift and support my fellow chronic illness warriors always wins. 

There are many ways that we can rid ourselves of the negativity buildup. Exercise, yoga, volunteer work, arts and crafts, and music can renew our sense of purpose and accomplishment. Basically, if we do the things that make us happy, there will be no room for all the negativity. A happy, content mind isn’t fertile ground for all the darker things in life. When negative thoughts and emotions try to invade there won’t be a dark corner for them to fester.

U...Unbreakable, Unshakable, Unstoppable You

Sometimes we get so caught up in how our chronic illness hinders our lives or has harmed us that we can’t see beyond all the negativity. Yes, our health problems have robbed us of so much and make our lives incredibly challenging. But I want you to set that all aside right now and consider how it has inadvertently made you stronger. So many people are ashamed to admit that they suffer from a chronic illness. They are afraid that others will assume that they’re weak and pathetic. In reality, though, chronic illness is never for the weak. Because we must come back fighting every single day, we grow stronger and better in spite of it.

Since I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I’ve noticed that my strength of will and determination have greatly increased. I decided early on that I wasn’t going to allow a chronic illness to ruin my life. I am far too young and I have too much potential to bow down to fibromyalgia. It would be so much easier to just stay in bed and not push through my symptoms. But what kind of life would that be? I don’t want to go to my grave knowing that I never really gave myself a chance to live.

Fibromyalgia has also made me a more caring and considerate person. With my health problems, I see every day just how difficult life can be and how much pain someone can be in while still looking normal. I can now truly understand other people’s pain and struggles. And now I have the desire, more than ever, to help people, especially those dealing with fibromyalgia and other invisible conditions.

The fact is life with a chronic illness is never going to be fun. We are forever going to wish that we could be well. However, we have a choice whether we will allow it to make us bitter and resentful or we will choose to let it make us a better person. I know it is difficult to focus on the positives in life when you’re constantly in pain. Believe me, I struggle with it as well. But I choose each day to make the most of the life I’ve been given. Sometimes that means taking a timeout, reassessing my reactions and attitudes, and then forcing myself to see beyond the negative. On my better days, this can take little effort. But on my worst days, it can be a constant battle.

Ultimately, it is up to you how much you allow your chronic illness to dictate your life. It may affect you in many ways, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But don’t allow it to steal your entire life. Reach for your dreams. Live hard. And enjoy the blessings of life.

A...Are There Answers Out There?

If you are like me and have dealt with a chronic illness for years, it’s so easy to want to give up. Day after day, month after month, year after year, we fight and we struggle, but it feels like it’s all in vain! When will our symptoms go away? When will we be able to reclaim our lives? When will all of this finally be behind us?

Unfortunately, the very definition of a chronic illness means that it may never go away. Still, that doesn’t mean we should ever give up on a cure or at least on a better quality of life. Our lives belong to us, NOT to our medical conditions. But if we simply give up, we are handing over ownership to our health problems. Our lives will no longer be our own. We will be slaves to our every little symptom and to the multitude of negative thoughts and emotions that spawn from them.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather spend my life searching for answers and end up never finding any. Wasting my life by simply giving up now and wallowing in my chronic illness until the end just isn’t my style. My parents didn’t raise me to be a quitter, and I’m not going to start now. I may always have more than my fair share of defeats, and I might now bounce back as quickly as I’d like. Still, I’m in not just for today’s battle but the long, ugly, drawn-out war.

If you are considering giving up or feel you can’t go on, I encourage you to pause and rest for a moment. Just breathe, exist in the here and now, and don’t worry about the future. Pretend a minute from now doesn’t even exist. Know that you aren’t alone. There are lots of people who understand what you are going through. And we are here for one another.

Rest in that thought for as long as you need and then come back fresh to face the difficult journey again. I once thought that the distance I covered in life is what truly matters. However, fibromyalgia has taught me well that it’s not the distance in your life that is important. It is the life in your life. We may be limited in what we can do now, but are we wholly embracing what we CAN do?

No, living with a chronic condition isn’t easy, but life doesn’t have to end…if we stay strong and determined and if we focus on the good that is still in our lives. Back when my fibro wasn’t so intense I almost never had the chance to write. Now I get to write every day, and I’ve fallen in love with this first love all over again. I still miss the life I had and wish I could be ‘normal’ again. Still, I refuse to dwell on the negative. I WILL have the full and long life I’ve always wanted, no matter what!

My Kids Made Me a Fibro Warrior

My son at the park

Dealing with a chronic illness can be one of the most difficult journeys in life.  It can leave us feeling hopeless, discouraged, defeated, and shattered.  Deciding how to plan for the rest of your life can seem impossible.  Day-to-day life can be so chaotic and unpredictable on its own.  So sometimes, we are left wondering how we can push on indefinitely.

Ultimately, it’s critical to not focus on our illness too directly.  Yes, we need to familiarize ourselves with our condition because knowledge is the best medicine in the fight against our health issues.  However, too much focus will only consume us and rob us of all the positives in our lives.  Instead, we must find the inspiration and motivation to never quit fighting from the blessings in our lives.

One of my biggest sources of positivity and strength when my life seems to be falling in on me is my kids.  When I feel like a failure they remind me that I’m a wonderful mother.  When loneliness and grief over the life I’ve lost threatens to take over they always seem to there with a hug, kiss, or smile when I need it the most.  When I feel like I’m too tired to press on anymore they give me purpose and determination once more.

Seeing the love in their eyes and watching them try to be just like me, I can clearly see that they look up to me and think I’m invincible.  Little do they know that they are the main reason why I am a fibromyalgia warrior.  They are the heart of my daily battles with my own body.  And they keep me bouncing back, rearing and ready to give it a try another day.

I have other people and things that strengthen me as well (i.e., my fiancé, my faith in God, my creativity), but my children were the ones that originally made it clear that I could never, EVER accept defeat.  I was a single mother at the time, so I knew that my children’s wellbeing depended on me and me alone.  No matter how bad I felt I promised myself that I would never let them down or quit being there for them!

Where do you find your motivation and inspiration to continue your daily struggle with chronic illness?

Spreading My Fibro Story

I just started writing for a new site called Bubblews.com.  As my first article, I submitted a piece about the top 3 things I feel everyone with fibromyalgia should not live without.  I am hoping by spreading the word about fibromyalgia on more sites, understanding will grow and more people will receive the proper support they deserve.  If you are new to fibromyalgia, have a loved one suffering from this difficult condition, or are simply curious, stop on over and read a little more about my story and my take on coping with fibromyalgia:

Top 3 Fibromyalgia Essentials
Submitted by ARDollak on March 08th, 2013
Category: Health

The National Fibromyalgia Association(1) explains that fibromyalgia “is characterized by chronic widespread pain, multiple tender points, abnormal pain processing, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and often psychological distress.” As a fibromyalgia sufferer, I personally know how difficult and frustrating this chronic condition can be. It can turn your entire life upside down, leaving you feeling lost, hopeless, and alone. It affects your relationships, your work life, and even the simplest of chores. You can go from a completely happy and active individual to someone who can’t even make it out of bed on the worst of days. Because fibromyalgia is a difficult syndrome to treat, there are 3 things that are vital for those with fibromyalgia.

Continue reading here.