Wordless Wednesday: For You, My Fibro Warriors!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

G...God, Faith, and Sanity

Sometimes, I swear the only thing that keeps me sane is my faith in God and my belief that my body and this earth is only temporary. Living with a chronic illness--especially one that involves a lot of pain and other life-altering symptoms--can make life drag on endlessly. Although I want to live a long, happy life, the idea of having to live a lifetime with my fibromyalgia is overwhelming. I’m at a point in my life when I can only take small steps at a time. I can’t look at the whole journey because right now, it seems far too daunting and impossible.

Still, it’s a wonderful idea for us to always keep in mind where we are actually headed. Life is so short and death so unnatural that I’ve always felt there must be something more than this existence here on earth. And as I grew to discover God and His promises, I began to realize that we really are meant for so much more than what we do while in this life.

I still haven’t a clue why God would allow such pain, fatigue, fibro fog, and my other fibro symptoms to affect me to this degree. Yet, I have faith that there is a higher purpose or reason why I have been lead down this difficult road. I would be lying if I said that the why isn’t important to me anymore. It still is because I am only human and would love to understand my plight.

Despite this, I have come to realize that even though I don’t know the why, I DO know what God generally wants me to do with my fibromyalgia-ridden life. Even though I am plagued by chronic illness, it is still my duty to (1) love the people around me, to (2) give openly and freely to those in need, and to (3) remind others that even in their darkest moments, God still is there.

A few months after fibromyalgia started taking over my life, I realized that I couldn’t let my condition make me bitter or selfish. Even though the days of pain and discomfort seem to stretch on for eternity, this life is very short, and I should be preparing for the life after this. No one really knows exactly what lies at the other side of death. All I know is I want to leave this earth knowing that I lived well, loved harder, and left a positive mark on the world.

My Kids Made Me a Fibro Warrior

My son at the park

Dealing with a chronic illness can be one of the most difficult journeys in life.  It can leave us feeling hopeless, discouraged, defeated, and shattered.  Deciding how to plan for the rest of your life can seem impossible.  Day-to-day life can be so chaotic and unpredictable on its own.  So sometimes, we are left wondering how we can push on indefinitely.

Ultimately, it’s critical to not focus on our illness too directly.  Yes, we need to familiarize ourselves with our condition because knowledge is the best medicine in the fight against our health issues.  However, too much focus will only consume us and rob us of all the positives in our lives.  Instead, we must find the inspiration and motivation to never quit fighting from the blessings in our lives.

One of my biggest sources of positivity and strength when my life seems to be falling in on me is my kids.  When I feel like a failure they remind me that I’m a wonderful mother.  When loneliness and grief over the life I’ve lost threatens to take over they always seem to there with a hug, kiss, or smile when I need it the most.  When I feel like I’m too tired to press on anymore they give me purpose and determination once more.

Seeing the love in their eyes and watching them try to be just like me, I can clearly see that they look up to me and think I’m invincible.  Little do they know that they are the main reason why I am a fibromyalgia warrior.  They are the heart of my daily battles with my own body.  And they keep me bouncing back, rearing and ready to give it a try another day.

I have other people and things that strengthen me as well (i.e., my fiancé, my faith in God, my creativity), but my children were the ones that originally made it clear that I could never, EVER accept defeat.  I was a single mother at the time, so I knew that my children’s wellbeing depended on me and me alone.  No matter how bad I felt I promised myself that I would never let them down or quit being there for them!

Where do you find your motivation and inspiration to continue your daily struggle with chronic illness?

Love and Chronic Illness: Can It Work?

As part of my constant quest for more information and possible treatment options, I follow a number of forums and pages that discuss fibromyalgia. On one of these pages, a topic came up recently: what is your opinion on having a significant other when dealing with a chronic illness? Is it harder or easier with a partner by your side? As I read through comments insisting that romantic relationships only complicate chronic illnesses, I initially bristled at the idea. How could anyone not see a supportive partner as a wonderful blessing?

However, as this question floated around in the back of my mind, I began wondering, is it really that black and white?

Since I have had fibromyalgia since my teens, I have dealt with chronic illness with and without a significant other. My life-changing fibro flare started about 4 years ago—when I was a single mother. And I started up an entirely new relationship, built the beginnings of a life with this new person, and became engaged…all in the midst of total chaos. And soon, I’ll be getting married, most likely with my fibromyalgia still in full swing.

Because life with a chronic illness is nowhere near normal, we like to assume that certain aspects of our lives aren’t affected and remain untouched. My relationship with my fiancé is no exception. In fact, part of me still wishes for that perfect love and whirlwind passion that sweeps me off my feet and sends me into my own happily-ever-after story.

But if I am completely honest with myself, even everlasting love is not immune to the effects of a chronic illness. First and foremost, although I am mellow and sweet-tempered by nature, fibromyalgia can bring out the ugly side of me. On my worst days, I am cranky and grumpy. When my body hurts so much I can’t find any relief, nothing is right. Every little sound, smell, or problem can send me reeling or agitate me. At times, I feel so frustrated and angry at my fibromyalgia that I can’t see the many blessings still in my life. I even doubt my self worth and usefulness at times. Believe me; my fiancé can’t help but want to avoid me when I get into one of these funks!

Oh, and we can’t forget the guilt. I feel so guilty that he is forced to bear the blunt of the financial burden for our family. And because I know that he works so hard every day for us, I feel even guiltier on days when I’m unable to provide him with a hot meal and a restful evening after he comes home. I feel exceptionally bad whenever I have a restless, painful night, which keeps him up long after he should be asleep. And don’t even get me started about the guilt I feel knowing that he may be stuck with my chronic illness for the rest of his life simply because he loves me.

On top of all this, we must face the anger and helplessness he feels whenever he sees me in pain and knows that he can’t make my fibromyalgia go away. I was a caregiver to my father for several years, so I’ve been in my fiancé’s position far too many times. Seeing your loved one sick or in pain is one the worst feelings in the world. Still, nothing compares to the realization that your loved one is suffering and you are powerless to change that, even though you love them so much that you’d do anything for them!

Ultimately, I now admit to myself that being in a relationship while dealing with a chronic illness is not as easy as I had automatically assumed. Of course, the benefits of a supportive partner are too numerous to count. Nevertheless, romance with chronic illness is NOT for the faint of heart! It takes sheer will and commitment to see the relationship through during the rough times. It also requires constant recommitment and renewed dedication. In any relationship, disagreements and problems are bound to arise. However, with the increased tension and stress of chronic illness, tempers are bound to flare more often and patience is much more likely to crack.

That is why regular communication is a must, and both partners need to work on fostering added patience and forgiveness. We are all human. We all make mistakes at times and get on each others’ nerves. Life is full of ups and downs and unexpected challenges. In spite of everything, though, if you and your partner are in the right place with the chronic illness, nothing is going to hold you back. A chronic illness doesn’t have to be the end of a romantic relationship or prevent you from making a serious commitment—if only you do your best to confront the obstacles from the beginning and have a solid faith in and devotion to each other.