Poetry: And Yet Fibro Remains!

This shell of a body,

Which once was fit and strong

And let me soar, oddly

Keeps me trapped all day long:

Limbs are heavy and weak;

Bones cry out from the cold;

Joints and muscles e’er creak...

Making me feel so old!

Skin breaks out in rashes,

And it almost always hurts.

Energy e’er crashes

And returns in small spurts.

Memory is broken,

Many thoughts get mixed up.

Many fears unspoken

In a nightmare closeup.

Anxieties abound;

Doubts have dampened my soul;

Manic anger resounds

As I fight for control!

Head is stuck in a vise

And struggles with migraines.

Mind is filled with ‘advice’,

And yet fibro remains!

© 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

Weight Loss: Sometimes a Gain Is a Gain

This morning I entered my new weight on my MyFitnessPal profile.  I have been putting it off this week because when I stepped on the scale Tuesday, not only did I gain back the 2 lbs. I have lost so far, but I also gained 4 more lbs. since my renewed fitness starting point.  This was a blow to me because for almost 2 weeks now, I have been walking a half of a mile every weekday with my son and our dog, Honey Bear.

I have cut my time from an hour to as little as 20 minutes for this distance.  Walking doesn't hurt me nearly as much as it did at the beginning (at least, usually).  I can swear I see a difference in my thighs and hips already.  And my jeans are definitely looser in the front.  So, to see the number go up so far in so little time was shocking to say the least!

However, I have decided that sometimes a gain IS a gain with weight loss.  (1) I have proven to myself that when I put my mind to something, fibromyalgia can't stop me.  There were some hard days...and I know there are going to be plenty more.  Sometimes, I creep back a lot closer to needing an entire hour to walk a half of a mile.  Sometimes, I'm tempted to give up.  But I've decided that weight loss is an important step towards reclaiming my life.  As long as I remember this, fibro may slow me down, but I CAN do this!

(2) My mobility has improved already since I started walking regularly again.  Yes, I still get terrible leg pain and muscle spasms.  No, I won't be running or skipping any time soon.  Still, my balance and coordination are a little better, and I seem to be having less issues with my lower body.  It would appear my legs and feet don't get painful and achy as quickly now.

(3) I may have gained 6 lbs.in almost 2 weeks, but I'm definitely seeing some change in my thighs and hips.  I won't even pretend to understand what is going on with my body right now, but if I must gain a few pounds to start seeing some slimming, I'm all for it!  Who am I to argue with progress, even if it is disguised as a defeat?

T...The Terrible Twitches

As I sit here writing this tonight, I’m wrestling with my sanity. No, I’m not worried that I’m literally losing my mind. But I am aggravated and frustrated beyond words. My left eyeball has been twitching all day long and I can’t seem to find anything that will help. The twitching is so intense that I keep checking myself in the mirror. With how much it is interfering with my vision, you’d think it would be visible externally. But like most of my twitches, it is just another hidden symptom of fibromyalgia.

Before I started taking magnesium, vitamin B, and vitamin D supplements, I was wracked with twitches throughout my body on a regular basis. For those of you who rarely or never suffer from twitches, you may not realize how difficult such a symptom is. Actually, I’ve had more sleepless nights due to nonstop twitching than I’ve had because of my pain. I learned early on how to take the edge off of my pain. So unless my pain is severe, I can still get some rest. But with twitching, my brain stays continuously engaged. I can literally see the movement of my twitching and throbbing inside my head. And of course, all this twitching and throbbing is not at the same time. As a result, my body can have quite a lot of commotion going on when I’m trying to sleep. At times, it feels as though I have an army of microscopic tap dancers having a ball on my body.

I have always been a light sleeper. My brain stays active if there’s too much light, noise, or even smells. And internal movement is just as bad. My doctor put me on muscle relaxers to try to lessen my twitching and muscle spasms. But even at the maximum dosage, my symptoms did not improve. I was beginning to think I’d be stuck with twitches and muscle spasms for the rest of my life. Imagine my surprise, the severity and frequency of these issues greatly improved after starting the supplements that my doctor recommended.

I highly doubt I’ll ever be twitch and cramped free. Still, it’s a relief to know that the symptoms are not nearly as bad as they used to be. It sure means a lot less sleepless nights and aggravation.  If you suffer from twitches and muscle spasms, I highly recommend that you speak with your doctor about if these supplements are right for you. Getting enough vitamins and minerals is an important part of getting and staying healthy.