Sudoku Puzzles: A Distraction and a Reminder for This Fibro Sufferer

Photo Credit: Public Domain

Since I can remember, I’ve always been a puzzle lover. Jigsaw puzzles, brain teasers, word searches, and crossword puzzles have gotten me through many sick and rainy days. They’ve also helped me to relax and combat insomnia on more occasions than I could count. And now, as an adult, I’ve grown to love and appreciate the unique challenge and fun of Sudoku puzzles. After completing thousands of Sudoku puzzles in last 10 years, they have easily become my favorite type of puzzle.

However, I’ve come to realize that Sudoku puzzles are a wonderful way to gauge just how much my fibromyalgia is actually affecting me, particularly the brain fog part. On a normal day for me in life with fibromyalgia, I can complete a medium-level Sudoku puzzle with a little careful thought. On my better days, the numbers of these medium-level puzzles come easier. On a great day or at least a moment of clarity, I actually have a good chance to finish a hard-level Sudoku puzzle or two. But on my difficult days, I’m lucky if I can make heads or tails of a beginner's Sudoku puzzle.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been sick with a nasty cold, and I slept about 12 hours the night before into yesterday morning. By the time bedtime rolled around, I was tired but my body wasn’t ready to sleep. So, I logged onto Facebook and decided to play a little Sudoku. I was so in the zone and so clear of mind (even with a head cold and it being after 1 am!) that I actually finished a difficult Sudoku puzzle and scored the highest points in my entire history of playing that Facebook app.

But not even 12 hours later, I tried to play Sudoku again on Facebook, and now I can’t even finish an easy Sudoku puzzle. I slept for nearly 8 hours. I awoke feeling fairly refreshed (well, at least for a fibro sufferer). But the clarity is gone again. I’m back to struggling to think through the brain fog that normally lurks in my head. Gone is the feeling that it all makes perfect sense. Gone is the sensation that I’m finally myself again. Gone is the almost effortless thought process that so many people take for granted every day.

If you are a fibromyalgia warrior like me suffering daily from brain fog, know that you aren’t alone. If you are a friend or a loved one of someone with fibromyalgia, this is especially for you. The fibromyalgia sufferers in your life are not faking it or being negligent or lazy. Their memory and cognitive problems are real and overwhelming. During one of their bad days, they are going to need your support more than ever. Just imagine how you would feel if you temporarily forgot names or phones numbers you’ve known for years. Imagine how difficult it would be for you to suddenly be unable to properly express yourself to others because you can’t find the right words at the moment. Imagine how frightening it would be if you forgot where you were or how to get back home for a while.

The worst of these scenarios are usually short lived and only happen occasionally, but just take a moment to imagine how unnerving and awful such an episode would be. And try to fathom how difficult and frightening it is to know it will probably happen again, but you have no idea when or how it will affect you next time. You can’t prepare. You can’t prevent it. The possibility is always lurking around every corner. That, my friends, is what it is like living with fibro fog. Please keep that in mind the next time the fibro warrior in your life forgets something important or does something that seems completely ridiculous. Living with fibromyalgia is a lot harder than most healthy people assume.

10 Things You Should NOT Say to Someone With a Chronic Illness

Normally, I like to talk directly to you, my fellow fibro and chronic illness warriors. YOU are the only people who matter to me. I am here to share in your struggle. I am here to try to help. And I am here to listen and understand. That is the main purpose for writing about my struggle with fibromyalgia.

Today, however, I want to make a little detour from that main purpose and address all those around us: friends, family, co-workers, enemies, critics, and everyone in between. Today, I felt the need to address the top 10 things you should NEVER say to someone suffering from a chronic illness.

10.) “Oh, but this pill will help...” Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that we chronic illness sufferers DO want to get better. We DO appreciate your advice. We DO love that you are concerned and are trying to help. But please, take a moment and listen. Some of us (particularly those with fibromyalgia) have tried everything under the sun, and we are still struggling. Many chronic illnesses are complex and tend to vary person to person. There is often no cure and no one-size-fits-all treatment plan. Please believe us when we say that a little pill is NOT the answer.

9.) “But you finished all that stuff yesterday...” This is definitely one of my pet peeves! Just because we were able to be productive yesterday, it doesn’t mean that we can’t have a bad day today. Oh, and no, we aren’t just making excuses so we can avoid you and slack on our responsibilities. Actually, our symptoms come and go. Some days are better and some days are rotten. At times, we can catch a glimpse of the old life we used to have. And other times, we are reminded just how fragile and limited our medical conditions can make us. It’s just how life with a chronic illness plays out.

8.) “You just need to get out more...” Why is it as soon as we get discouraged or have a bad day that people assume that we are simply depressed or in a rut? Our symptoms are real. They are NOT in our heads. Having a flare day is NOT a sign of weakness or of a poor outlook on life. And no, our problems cannot be solved simply by getting a social life. Would you try to treat the flu or the chickenpox with a girls’ night out? I don’t think so!

7.) “Oh, I felt like that once; it wasn’t so bad...” Wait? You didn’t just go there! Attempts at sympathy and understanding are very much welcomed. But since you haven’t walked a mile in our shoes, check your judgement at the door, please. There is NO way you are going to win any bonus points by trying to trivialize our symptoms. We know what we feel. It is very real and very present for us. For everyone’s sake, please keep your comparisons to yourself...or even better, don’t make them at all!

6.) “But I thought you’ve seen a bunch of doctors...” Yes, we have visited more doctors than we care to remember. We have been poked, prodded, and violated in ways that would make you cringe. We have spent thousands--even millions--of dollars and countless hours trying to get to the bottom of our medical conditions. And we will continue throwing endless time, energy, and cash away in our pursuit for health. Nevertheless, we aren’t cured and some of us aren’t really even better than when we started out. Doctors aren’t magicians or miracle workers. There are some things even they can’t fix.

5.) “You’re still sick? I’ll keep praying...” Now don’t get me wrong. Prayer is a wonderful thing, and we always appreciate it. God is up there listening and He has been known to create miracles from time to time. However, man can’t live on prayer alone. Just like you we have other needs. With your next prayer, could you throw in a prepared meal on a flare day? Or maybe an offer to pitch in around the house? Or perhaps a little companionship during the periods we are stuck at home. Thank you for petitioning the Lord for what He might do to help, but don’t forget the little things you could do to help, as well. It’s the little things that mean the most!

4.) “Maybe if you just tried a little harder...” Oh, this one irks me to no end! We chronic illness sufferers fight every day for so many things people normally take for granted. We fight to keep our food down. We fight to walk. We fight to take care of ourselves. We fight to do the simplest of tasks. Having a chronic illness is downright hard work, but we keep at it day after day. We are relentless, merciless overachievers, and it bothers us immensely when we can’t measure up. So, what makes you think we could push ourselves anymore than we already do? It simply isn’t humanly possible.

3.) “Perhaps you only need a little more faith...” God IS a miracle worker. He DOES heal the faithful and CAN move mountains for those who truly believe. But isn’t it a little arrogant to believe that you know what God is or isn’t doing in someone else’s life or what He is thinking? The truth is the Lord works in mysterious ways. He often does the exact opposite of what mankind believes should happen. And by the way, I think I remember hearing something about only needing faith the size of a mustard seed.

2.) “But you don’t look sick to me...” This statement here is a verbal slap in the face! Please, don’t ever say this to anyone with medical problems. Since when is there a visual requirement for being sick? There are a lot of illnesses and conditions out there that are quiet and devious. They silently wreck people’s lives with little to no external evidence. You wouldn’t tell someone that they aren’t suffering from heartburn or a headache, so please don’t take it upon yourself to judge whether or not we are suffering from a chronic illness.

1.) “But don’t you want to do more with your life...?” No, chronic illness is NOT a poor career move. It is NOT a poor lifestyle choice. We didn’t wake up one day and say, “Oh, I think I’ll develop a life-altering condition today.” We still have our hopes and dreams. We still have our desire for and vision of a better, more prosperous tomorrow. We struggle with our worth, our usefulness, and our purpose. Exactly like you, we want--we NEED--to feel like we are living a productive and purposeful life. If it were up to us, we’d kick chronic illness to the curb in a New York second and move on to greener pastures. But that’s the thing. It is NOT up to us. We are stuck in an unfair situation, and we are forced to make the best of it. Yes, that is the life we have been given, and we choose every day to live it as best as we can. How could you expect anything more?

F...Fibromyalgia & Fatigue

What seems like another lifetime ago, I used to wake up every morning feeling refreshed and energized. As soon as my alarm went off, someone knocked on my door, or the cheery sun peaked into my window, I was alert and ready to take on the day. Each new day seemed so exciting and I couldn’t wait to make the most of every moment!

Nowadays, I find myself in this exhausted, drained, and worn out rut that I just can’t get out of. I feel like I haven’t slept in days, even though I usually get a full night’s rest. There’s probably a hundred different ways that I could describe how I look and feel every morning. However, nothing probably comes as close to describing my morning zombie-hood than one of my late father’s favorite similes: hammered dog poo-poo (although he preferred a much more colorful ending to that description). I simply feel so beaten, worn, pounded, and ragged that I can certainly identify with that image.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not here to complain or spread the negativity. Rather, I’m putting this all out there for every person who has passed judgment on fibro sufferers and insisted that we are lazy or just don’t try hard enough. Do you realize how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning with every molecule of your body screaming for more rest? It is pretty darn difficult! But you push on and through it because you have places to go and people to see.

Yet, what if you never actually pushed through it? What if it kept repeating? What if this horrible morning haunted you every single day for the rest of your life? Would you keep pushing on day after day after day? Or would you eventually want to give up?

Tell me…after Day 1,000 would you be just as determined and sure that you could get on with your life as you were on Day 1? I don’t think so! And yet, we fibro sufferers must do just that, while enduring all your flack and criticism. What we lack in physical strength and energy, we make up tenfold in inner strength and determination.

Yes, we have bad days, and some days, we stay in bed to try to recoup for another fight against our chronic illness. We readily admit that we get discouraged, frustrated, overwhelmed, and depressed at times. However, we don’t stay that way. It is not in our nature to give up or give in to our fibro. We will fight, struggle, and push against fibromyalgia until the day we die…or at least until our war against chronic illness is won!