Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Fibro's a Pain in the Neck!

Sometimes life sends us in circles...
Fibromyalgia is a pain in the neck…and the back…and the head…ok, the whole body for that matter. This figurative and literal pain can drive us insane at times! Living with a chronic illness--particularly one with chronic pain--requires a lot of patience and learning to be as positive and determined as possible. But sometimes we just have to let all the built-up negativity and frustration out.

During these moments, we long to scream, curse, rant, and rave until our invisible battle is uncovered for all to see. We only want some understanding, a sympathetic ear, and a reminder that we have not been forgotten. Chronic illnesses can be such a lonely, desolate journey as we watch the world pass us by.

I think that that is one of the things that bothers me the most. I fear that the world will continue to race on by while I creep along…until one day, all that I love and hold dear is gone forever. I know; sounds like a pretty irrational fear, doesn’t it? I’m still here. The world is still here. We all exist on the same plane. Time doesn’t pass faster or slower for one or another. Life still progresses at the same chronological rate as it has since the beginning of time.

But as human beings, we are more than time and space, aren’t we? Our bodies may still be in the here and now, but our minds, hearts, and souls can be anchored in the past. Part of me is still being held captive by the beginning of my major fibromyalgia flare (about 4 years ago). And every day, I feel as though I’m dragging this enormous weight, desperately struggling to catch up from the last few years of my life.

It’s an infuriating feeling! Do you know that feeling you get when you sleep through your alarm on a busy day and wake up an hour or so late? You are left scrambling from one appointment or task to the next, trying so hard to make up for that lost time. However, rarely can that time be recovered. It is usually lost forever and puts into play a chain of events that leaves you feeling out of sorts and rushed the whole day through.

That, my friends, is often how my life feels these days: so often tardy for the party. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for every day that I am blessed with. I’m lucky enough to have been diagnosed with something that may alter my life and aggravate me to no end. Still, ultimately, I will win the war because it can never take a day away from my life if I don’t allow it!

On the other hand, though, it is so annoying to always feel late for one’s own life! I long for the day when my to-do list doesn’t include unfinished projects from years past. And I’d give almost anything to be able to afford a day off, a day to just relax, enjoy myself, and have fun without this nagging feeling that I should be somewhere else playing catch up.

Over the years, I’ve learned to lessen that accumulated load by allowing frivolous and unnecessary tasks to fall on the wayside. When life becomes a more difficult and tiring journey it’s essential to lighten the load from time to time. Perhaps, as I grow and evolve, I’ll find more things that no longer matter and my load will continue to grow lighter still. And even though I might stop every now and then to voice my complaints with the condition of the road on this journey, I will NEVER give up. I know one way or another, I will push through, and perhaps one day, I’ll even be early for a party or two!

8 comments:

  1. Great blog. Finally a outlet for others to understand the struggles n pains of ugly fibro..

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. It would mean a lot to me if my blog helped even a single person. Fibro is such a difficult and depressing condition, and no one should have to face it alone without having someone that truly understands!

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  2. Yes it is. Most of all it my loved one's that haven't taken the time to try and learn what it is. How it feels. I get the "you don't look sick" attitude. I get the hint of it meaning do it myself! So therefore I usually get no compassion or concern on "how I'm feeling" "oh you sat all day and couldn't wash my favorite shirt", my favorite is "of course you hurt when you don't do much of anything anymore. "My muscles get sore when I use them after not working out in long time". Fibro is the INVISIBLE, LAZY MAN ILLNESS, AND MOST DOCTORS JUDGE YOU RIGHT AWAY, AS IF IM JUST TGERE FOR ATTENTION OR IM NUTS OR MAYBE BOTH LOL ... I don't know how to get my loved one's to understand fibro better. Its me now its who I am. Trust me if I could flush fibro I certainly would! Thank you for your time. I'm sorry if I seem grouchy, its not my intentions at all. It hurts my loves ones have no care in the world on FIBRO. I HOPE YOU HAVE A PAINFREE DAY.

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    1. I understand completely. I was a very fit and active person before fibro hit. My family still doesn't understand the change in me. They still think that I don't try hard enough or have simply given up on my life. It hurts to have the ones you love not understand. That's one of the motivations of this blog. It is as much to help me as it is to help others. I wanted a place to freely talk about my fibro while creating a spot where others can share their struggles as well. I hope you have a good day as well! :)

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  3. Did it take different doctors before you got diagnosed? What was the experience like and how long did.it take to.get diagnosed? I'm so.happy you understanding where I am coming in regards to loved ones not understanding. Heck.most docs do not either lol

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    1. I've actually had fibro since I was 15 or 16, maybe even earlier since I don't ever remember being completely 'normal'. It took until I had a horrible flare in my mid 20's before my doctor and my rheumatologist confirmed my suspicions. My doctor suspected it within a couple months, but a 6-month period of the same symptoms is required before the diagnosis was official. And of course, I had to go through a ton of tests to be sure nothing else was causing my symptoms. Thankfully, I was lucky with those doctors. I've had plenty of doctors over the years that just assumed it was in my head or I wanted attention.

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  4. Oh wow I'm sorry you were so young my goodness. Process tools two years for myself. Many different doctors! It was the pits. I was told you have fibro. Nothing was explained to me at all. I have no clue what it was. I still learn different things all time about it. Like I was thrown in a deep hole with lions.

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  5. My doctors weren't that helpful either. Most of what I know is because I researched it myself. Doctors need to be better educated on fibromyalgia so they can pass it on to their patients and help them find the best treatment plan.

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