|I must keep writing, no matter the obstacle!|
Every now and then, this annoying train of thought gets stuck in my head, particularly whenever I have problems sleeping. This week I have struggled with these thoughts quite a bit. I’ve been achy, twitchy, and throbbing from head to toe for days, making good sleep impossible. I’ve been up until 1, 2, even 4 am this week, trying desperately to get my mind to ignore the endless, chaotic messages my body is currently sending to my brain.
But on top of this, inspiration has been bombarding me, as well, these last few nights. Countless ideas, poetic lines, and new projects have been popping into my mind…and being the creative person that I am, I can’t possibly ignore a single one! Yet, being the exhausted, cranky person that I become when I have too many restless nights in a row, I’ve started doubting and attacking my writing again:
I should be sleeping, so why am I allowing myself to get distracted? Where has my writing gotten me so far? It seems to cause more trouble than it’s worth these days since it’s keeping me up at night and sapping precious energy. I can’t work at it full time, so why even try?
Yeah, it would be pretty easy for me to call it quits, and the ideas would slowly fade away as I chose to ignore them time and time again. Still, where would that really leave me? Fibromyalgia has taken my college education, made it null and void (at least for now), and rubbed it in my face more times than I’d care to recall. I can’t physically handle a job outside my home. But at least with freelance writing, I still get a sense of purpose, usefulness, and satisfaction…despite my life-altering chronic illness.
Additionally, I can’t forget that writing is a big part of who I am. Cancelling my regular writing time is one of the worst things for my health and state of mind. If I don’t write and share my thoughts, ideas, and experiences, I emotionally get all clogged up and I feel completely off. I suffer from mental constipation, too. All in all, I’m a cranky, stressed, and off-balanced individual when I ignore my natural desire to write. I’ve been there and done that…and I don’t plan to go there ever again!
Lastly, who am I to stand in the way of what I am meant to be doing? If I have the desire and the ability to write, there has to be a purpose. God doesn’t give us gifts and talents without a reason. I haven’t a clue what he might have in mind for my writing abilities, but I’m going to do everything I can to follow my heart. It may be hard at times as I struggle with fibromyalgia’s multitude of annoying and sometimes debilitating symptoms, but I’m going to be true to myself and write every chance I can. There isn’t any other possible way for me to live my life and still be happy.