|Sometimes life sends us in circles...|
During these moments, we long to scream, curse, rant, and rave until our invisible battle is uncovered for all to see. We only want some understanding, a sympathetic ear, and a reminder that we have not been forgotten. Chronic illnesses can be such a lonely, desolate journey as we watch the world pass us by.
I think that that is one of the things that bothers me the most. I fear that the world will continue to race on by while I creep along…until one day, all that I love and hold dear is gone forever. I know; sounds like a pretty irrational fear, doesn’t it? I’m still here. The world is still here. We all exist on the same plane. Time doesn’t pass faster or slower for one or another. Life still progresses at the same chronological rate as it has since the beginning of time.
But as human beings, we are more than time and space, aren’t we? Our bodies may still be in the here and now, but our minds, hearts, and souls can be anchored in the past. Part of me is still being held captive by the beginning of my major fibromyalgia flare (about 4 years ago). And every day, I feel as though I’m dragging this enormous weight, desperately struggling to catch up from the last few years of my life.
It’s an infuriating feeling! Do you know that feeling you get when you sleep through your alarm on a busy day and wake up an hour or so late? You are left scrambling from one appointment or task to the next, trying so hard to make up for that lost time. However, rarely can that time be recovered. It is usually lost forever and puts into play a chain of events that leaves you feeling out of sorts and rushed the whole day through.
That, my friends, is often how my life feels these days: so often tardy for the party. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for every day that I am blessed with. I’m lucky enough to have been diagnosed with something that may alter my life and aggravate me to no end. Still, ultimately, I will win the war because it can never take a day away from my life if I don’t allow it!
On the other hand, though, it is so annoying to always feel late for one’s own life! I long for the day when my to-do list doesn’t include unfinished projects from years past. And I’d give almost anything to be able to afford a day off, a day to just relax, enjoy myself, and have fun without this nagging feeling that I should be somewhere else playing catch up.
Over the years, I’ve learned to lessen that accumulated load by allowing frivolous and unnecessary tasks to fall on the wayside. When life becomes a more difficult and tiring journey it’s essential to lighten the load from time to time. Perhaps, as I grow and evolve, I’ll find more things that no longer matter and my load will continue to grow lighter still. And even though I might stop every now and then to voice my complaints with the condition of the road on this journey, I will NEVER give up. I know one way or another, I will push through, and perhaps one day, I’ll even be early for a party or two!