Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: Storage Unit Perspective

Poetry: And Yet Fibro Remains!

This shell of a body,
Which once was fit and strong
And let me soar, oddly
Keeps me trapped all day long:

Limbs are heavy and weak;
Bones cry out from the cold;
Joints and muscles e’er creak...
Making me feel so old!

Skin breaks out in rashes,
And it almost always hurts.
Energy e’er crashes
And returns in small spurts.

Memory is broken,
Many thoughts get mixed up.
Many fears unspoken
In a nightmare closeup.

Anxieties abound;
Doubts have dampened my soul;
Manic anger resounds
As I fight for control!

Head is stuck in a vise
And struggles with migraines.
Mind is filled with ‘advice’,
And yet fibro remains!

© 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

Monday, November 4, 2013

Perspective Is Everything

On a regular basis, I wear so many different hats:

  • woman
  • wife
  • stay-at-home mom
  • sister
  • daughter
  • aunt
  • friend
  • writer
  • poet
  • learning coach
  • animal lover
  • photographer
  • artist
  • believer
  • thinker
  • dreamer
  • helpless romantic
  • music lover
  • cook
  • maid
  • confidante
  • nerd
  • protector
  • book fanatic
  • chocoholic
  • couch potato
  • nature lover
  • gardener
  • bleeding heart
  • puzzle addict
  • fibro warrior

The list really goes on and on. But the titles I hate most are perfectionist and overachiever. The previous list is a long one, and my plate is usually overflowing with a towering heap of these roles and interests. However, no matter how much I accomplish, the perfectionist/overachiever side of me points out everything I did wrong and didn’t finish. It is relentless!

I am currently sick--again--so my house is messy and needs a good cleaning. My chronic illness, fibromyalgia, puts a damper on my career ambitions, making it impossible to work a traditional job outside my home right now. Oh, and I can’t forget that I don’t get to do many fun things with my kids anymore. Lists of my flaws, shortcomings, disappointments, and failures could fill my entire home many times over.

Nevertheless, none of that matters. What matters is how hard I try every day to be the best person I can be. My house may be messy right now, but even with a head cold that makes me dizzy, I’ve managed to put dents in the mess throughout my home. Fibromyalgia may be trying to ruin my career, but it helped give me the courage to strike out and reach for my writing dreams. Plus, it gives me a new way to help and reach people. Oh, and as for my time with the kiddos, they still know I love them. We have many wonderful memories to cherish, and we are still making more each day.

Life may get easier. It may not. But either way, if I focus on what I CAN do and do my best always, I know I’ll be able to look back one day without any regrets. I can only accomplish what is within my current limitations, and I need to forgive myself when I can’t do it all. There is always tomorrow for anything that is left over on my daily to-do list.

If you are struggling with this issues, as well, I encourage you to focus on your abilities only. Try to let everything else roll away. No matter what anyone else says, you are NOT lazy and you DO accomplish enough. A chronic illness is a full-time job, and everything else must fit around that (just as any other person with long work hours). Please, remember that your health should always come first!

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013